Monday, April 27, 2015

Five minute makeup routine (by five minutes I mean seven)

Hi! It's me, the girl who wears makeup.

Because I've been wearing makeup almost every single day for the past, oh, I don't know, sixteen years, I figure that makes me an expert. Well, an expert on applying it really fast so I can get on with my day. So that being said, I'd like to introduce you to my makeup routine. And because it's so fast, this blog post won't last longer than five minutes. I promise.

Okay, let's begin!

Step one. Assemble makeup.

There are a few products I've found work best with my sallow skin that has wrinkles, moles and uneven skin tone. And because it's easy to apply so I can do it as fast as possible without looking like this.

The natural look 

I tend to use the same basic products that I like and change them up every year or so.  Now this may come as a shock to you but I seem to be aging. I know right? I don't look a DAY over 34 (I'm 33 by the way). I guess aging is a thing that  happens to people who aren't living inside magazines. Because of this,  I am forced to use products like sunscreen and makeup that contains SPF. When I was 25, my nickname was "old lady hands." Luckily I have thick skin (well, everywhere but my hands apparently) so I was able laugh about it while simultaneously lathering my hands in sunscreen and lotion. But now it seems my face is catching up with my hands. Damn you Father Time!!

Anyway. Back to makeup. This was only supposed to take five minutes wasn't it. Oh dear...

Step One: Wait, we already did step one. Okay. Well here is the picture anyway.

Products in one place minus whatever brushes my two year old ate

Step two. Start with clean, naked of face.

My face is naked! How dare you look upon it! 

Step three: Apply sunscreen and lotion to clean face. Keep sunscreen away from eyes. If not, be prepared to flush eyes out with water for a long, long time. Feels baaaaaad.

Please don't hurt me my beloved suncreen

Step four: Apply dollop of foundation.

Okay this is probably a lot less than a dollop. 
Step five. Apply less than a dollop to problem areas. In my case, this would be my T-zone, cheeks, chin, forhead, eyelids, that space under your ears and jawline. But everywhere else is totally perfect.

Pay no attention to my chipped fingernails. And large nostrils. 
Step 6: Apply concealer under eyes and on eyelids. 

This is my "I'm applying concealer" expression

Step seven: Apply powder.
Isn't this post exciting?!

Step eight: Apply highlighter to cheek bones (I use the lightest shade of eye shadow).
Who is that old lady using my makeup? Oh, it's just my hands
Be careful not to apply highlighter to smile lights or else you'll... highlight your smile lines

Step nine (there are a lot of steps to a five minute face): Apply blush. I like to use a lot since I don't have much natural blush to my cheeks.
Hooray for a fake healthy glow!

Step ten: Apply eye shadow. I like to use colors that supposedly bring out my hazel eyes. 

Today I will be using an orangy gold color. Just like they did in 1988.
Step eleven: Apply eyeliner to upper lashes. 
This is reeeeeally hard to do while holding an iphone camera. 

Step twelve: Apply mascara. I love the Great Lash brand. It works so well for short eyelashes like mine.
If you have more than 5 -7 minutes to spare I recommend an eyelash curler first. 

Step thirteen (the LAST step. I promise): Apply chapstick. I like to use the Dr. Pepper chapstick flavor. You know, the brand you used when you were 12. It adds a tint of color and moisturizes all day.

Oddly enough I don't like the taste of Dr. Pepper soda. 
Well thats it! Phew!

Hammy picture included

Wow.  Looking back that's seems like it would take longer than 5-7 minutes. And that's a lot of pictures of me. Owell.

Now let's take a closer look to see how the makeup turned out shall we? 

Me taking a closer look

WOW! I look much younger don't you think?!!

Not a wrinkle in sight!

Adios! Until the next post!


  1. 'My face is naked! How dare you look upon it!' I laughed at this making my drink come out of my nose ;)

  2. You might not like dr. Pepper, but your hubby does. Now the Chapstick makes sense!

    1. I should really switch to diet dr pepper Chapstick.

    2. Wait - isn't Lip Smackers out of business now?

      A part of my 12 year old self seriously died. I miss that, YM magazine, Clothestime, and my deluded belief that Sugar Ray was socially relevant.

    3. If Lip Smackers is out of business it's probably time for me to throw out that chapstick.

  3. Yes! Dr. Pepper chapstick. I used to smear white eye shadow on top for a frosty 90's lip. 7th grade was awesome.

    1. It really was! But I prefer to forget 8th grade. That ways my black lipstick, baggy pants, ghetto paradise phase.